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Civil-War-OCT AuditionP2 by pargile Civil-War-OCT AuditionP2 by pargile
Funfact2: Similarly, the lighting on Porodians tends to give the impression that they were shoddily greenscreened. There's a general look of wrongness, and that they don't quite belong, that becomes noticeable in areas of intense or dim lighting.
(aka - yes, the shading on her being at a different angle type thing was intentional and there is a reason)

So this method of comicing takes way too long to be effective. Think I'm going to try something different for page 3, and never try lineless action scenes in a comic ever again. -.-

Narglii's Artificial Assassination Assult begins!

I figured the general like... troopers would be just minion type things, so that's why she's blasting through them so quickly.

How's it looking?


(in case of confusion - yes she's jumping through that guy, and yes she runs through that wall)

P1- [link]
P2- ^
P3- [link]
P4- [link]
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:iconnightiingale:
Critique by Nightiingale Nightiingale/critique/171282407">Sep 29, 2009, 1:21:56 PM
(Oops. First time I posted this, I sent it to page 1! I meant to send it to page 2! Sorry for the mistake on my part)

This is the first time I've ever written a proper critique for a DeviantArt piece, so bare with me (Of course, I only have this page and the previous page and I’m ignoring artists comments so my story assumptions might be off).

I like the set up. What you have utilised in is a film technique which is great for killing two scenes with one stone (A montage of the fight plus the two unnamed protagonists discussing their objective as the events themselves unfold). However as it is a film technique it’s very hard to convert into a comic medium. The way you did the set up works fine in a film as film has the luxury of editing and sound (music, voice acting and sound effects). It was a bit confusing at first due to the fact how you just jumped into the action. I wasn’t sure what was going on until half way through page 2. My suggestion to avoid this confusion in the future is a build up. By build up I mean, provide a decent introduction to the two characters talking in the beginning THEN shifting into the action. Sure it might take up 5 extra panels, but you know what they say ‘you reap what you sow’.

The use of the unnamed female (thus far) being the one in the dark and asking all the questions the audience needs to know is another nifty little trick when used correctly. It allows you to explain things to the audience without boring them and develop a character’s personality and role (are they an all-knowing leader/figure or an underling? etc). However sometimes when people use this technique they tend to go overboard and it becomes bland and uninteresting. Too much ‘show not tell’. You’ve got a brilliant balance here; well-done.

Flow is great, easy to follow (once you understand what’s going on). However I must nit pick with the panel which shows the female crashing down the wall onto the red soldiers. How did she get onto the other side of the wall in order to crash it down? There’s no in-between panel to show her transition from one side to the other so I’m left to presume she went X-Men kitty style and fazed through it. I know you’re expecting the audience to presume that she jumped over, but sometimes you do need to show these things as not everyone will get it first read through (I have this problem too).

Art wise you have an intriguing style. Your outlined flat coloured panels are fantastic. The way a character moves, their posture and their facial expressions really shine through and reflect what their saying and their personalities. My only suggestion is maybe experiment a little bit with shading on the characters; add a bit of depth. Also, maybe add a bit more to the backgrounds; you don’t want your characters floating in space!

The not outlined panels and raw colour ones are interesting also. It creates a great juxtaposition to what’s being said (with the two characters) and what’s happening (fight!). However it appears very unrefined and rushed (It’s good that you’re experimenting though) my suggestion is to slow down a bit and take control of the brush. I understand that colouring lineless is very difficult and hard to make look neat so all I can say here is: Keep practicing :)!

It’s brilliant to see you’re playing with angles and the size of a shot, it keeps the comic interesting and doesn’t visually bore the reader (as a continuous stream of headshots would). :thumbsup: I love these angles to bits-I wish people would be just as daring as you (by people I mean myself also ><;). However, in your long shot angles your little people need a bit of work. I know they are teeny tiny and hard to define but the lack of detail is really off putting. They look a bit like play-dough people. Due to this distortion your female looks bit masculine and larger than what she really is in the last two panels. If I saw these on their own, I would have presumed the protagonist was male.

Story wise, I’m interested. I can’t wait for page 3.

In conclusion:

*Create more of a build up to prevent confusion
*Keep practicing that lineless style (it’s looking pretty good so far!)
*Try a bit of shading to add depth to the flat colours
*Keep practicing little people
*Interesting story; keep it up!

I’m sorry if I sound mean in any part of this critique. I hope I’ve helped!

Sorry if it's TL;DR.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
6 out of 6 deviants thought this was fair.
Nightiingale/critique/171282407#comments">11 Replies

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:iconel-oscuro:
el-oscuro Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009
:lmao: sorta mirrors the UN in someways... or am I reading too deeply? 8D

The shading effects, esspecially in the first two slides, are emaculate :thumbsup:
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Much too deep =P My level of deepness is floating somewhere above the surface somehow 8D

Ta very muchly :3
Reply
:iconel-oscuro:
el-oscuro Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2009
Haha don't tell Mr. Jellicoe then xD He's "deeper meaning" it to death =P
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
well he can go... be... a teacher.
Reply
:iconel-oscuro:
el-oscuro Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2009
"...and what pargile ment by this, is that I am a looser and wear the same twead suit everyday and really need to get a TV or something" xD
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
"Note the abundance of elipses... what does this TELL us... BEYOND the surface..."
Reply
:iconel-oscuro:
el-oscuro Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2009
The temptation to draw pictures and make fun of AJ was understandably overwhelming xD
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
XD
Reply
:icondozaloz:
Dozaloz Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009
Tbh I think this style of comicing works really well. I love the way you've done the background panels - your colouring is really excellent when you take the time to do it properly >w> I know it takes ages but I think it's worth it for this sort of look, and with practice you'll get quicker anyway. The lighting and shading and the colours you've chosen are wonderful, and the layout is very well thought out - it flows really well. Keep it up!
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
I like the look too, but it's not sustainable on a deadline basis. I'd miss everything. It took me 8 days to get this done, page 1 took less than a third of that. =/ If I was working only on this then it'd be fine, but I have other things to do as well, so I can't keep it up. Especially not in the actual rounds, 'cause they'd have to be more than five pages to have any kind of decentness to them. I don't think I'll speed up quick enough to be able to keep doing this.

But thanks! XD
Reply
:iconmissushow:
MissusHow Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009  Student Artist
I like your lines and the first panel!
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Narglii expressions are fun :B Thanks!
Reply
:icongrey-t:
grey-t Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009  Student Digital Artist
Awesome! The colors are looking really good. :3
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:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Thankyous!
Reply
:iconcaramelody:
Caramelody Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009
WOW I really like the cast shadows of the buildings and such
they look really good like whoa i keep scrolling up to look at them and think WOW
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Haha, glad you like XD I wasn't sure I'd got them all right and stuff
Reply
:icontetsuoshima:
tetsuoshima Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009
Shit dude you're improving
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Haha, thanks :B I think comics help what with the constantly redrawing and dynamicy shit to attempt. :3
Reply
:icontetsuoshima:
tetsuoshima Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009
yeah damn straight it would
:3
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
And it forces me to try scenery, which I'm normally quite happy to avoid.
Reply
:iconhaikera-baiketsu:
Haikera-Baiketsu Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009
It looks awesssooomme

Too bad you won't be able to keep it up, though D:
Reply
:iconpargile:
pargile Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2009  Professional Digital Artist
Thanks :3

And yeah =/ hopefully I'll be able to find a speedier alternative with nice looks. Entirely flat isn't as fun looking.
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